Etiquette service grows out of horrible Rochester incident

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It’s been six years since the video was released of bus monitor Karen Klein being verbally berated by four Greece Athena Middle School students. Although it was a horrendous situation, good has managed to come out of it.

Cynthia Ely, known as “Miss Cynthia,” was inspired by Karen Klein’s situation to open The Refinement Studio, a business offering etiquette classes to children ages five to 18.

“The whole reason I currently exist is because of when I saw the Karen Klein incident on television,” says Ely. “It hurt me because the rest of the world was looking at Rochester, New York negatively. And I said, ‘This is not true. This is just a few students who, for whatever reason, went down a dark road.’”

Ely’s sister, “Miss Maude,” was the first owner of The Refinement Studio, located in Raleigh, N.C. Ely helped Miss Maude develop the curriculum for the etiquette classes back when the business opened in 2007, so when she asked to purchase the business from her it was a relatively seamless transfer.

“I saw the video, I called my sister and I told her she needed to see what those children were doing, and I remember saying out loud to myself, ‘Someone has got to start teaching these children manners,’” recalls Ely. “My next thought was, ‘I’m going to do it.’ I called my sister back and said, ‘Listen, I think we need to open an office here.’”

Next thing she knew, she was in Raleigh buying the business from her sister and picking up all of the materials for The Refinement Studio.  Ely, 53, is a certified international youth etiquette consultant. Three years ago, she traveled to London to get certified by Minding Manners, which is a program through the International Etiquette & Protocol Academy of London.

“I purposely wanted this curriculum because it was European and it included cultural awareness,” says Ely. “When I teach my children how to eat I teach them the British way, the American way and the Continental way. When I’m talking with adults, we talk about how you give your business card in the United States, in Japan, in China. So it teaches people, especially who travel, this is how we do things and this is how we don’t.”

The Refinement Studio offers classes for kids in three age groups: “Young Diplomats” for kids five to seven years old; “Little Ambassadors” for kids eight to 12 years old; and “Just for Teens” for ages 13 to 18. In the classes students are taught table setting, appropriate dining, expressing thanks, gift giving and the protocol of public places. The material is the same for each age group, but the instruction is approached differently according to the age group.

Ely recently added two adult classes for business professionals to her repertoire. Finishing Touches is divided into five modules: personal image and dress code; entertaining and being entertained; dining tutorial; the art of the table; and timeless correspondence. The Polished Professional is more socially oriented, with four modules focusing on networking and socializing, public speaking, dining and creating powerful presentations.

Children’s classes are held at the Perkins Mansion, 494 East Ave., while the adult classes and dining tutorials are taught at Max of Eastman Place, 25 Gibbs St.

With a business that is ever-evolving, Ely now aids business professionals in leadership development. She is now certified in the Actualized Leadership Profile assessment tools, which assists leaders in being more self-actualized. Additionally, she is in the midst of designing a wait staff training course.

Ely, who is the company’s sole employee, looks forward to continuing to grow her business and increase the number of children receiving her instruction and coaching.

“I want to touch, move and inspire everyone in this area in any way I can,” she says. “I want to learn from them, as well. I’ve never stood before a group in my entire life that I did not learn from. I just want to do good work and change lives in ways that are meaningful.”

Owning a business is in Ely’s blood. Her parents were entrepreneurs who owned their own photography business in the age of Kodak. She attended Virginia’s Hampton University to pursue a degree in business development because she thought it made sense with her family history. But Ely switched gears and graduated with an English arts degree.

Ely previously worked as the director of staff and organization development at the Jewish Home, and when the company downsized she saw it as an opportunity to reinvent herself. She went on to become a massage therapist and a reiki master to physically support others in healing.

“Early in my career I did instruction design, I did corporate training, I helped organizations develop their staff and I looked at process improvement,” she says. “I started to understand that people can only receive instruction, coaching or information that’s in proportion to how well they’re healed,” which is what lit Ely’s flame to help others heal.

Now Ely has reinvented herself again as a business owner who teaches etiquette classes. Though she did not start the business from scratch, bringing The Refinement Studio to the Rochester market brought challenges for Ely to overcome.

The first struggle Ely encountered was marketing the company and using her budget wisely. She was fortunate to have the opportunity to advertise at Midtown Athletic Club, an establishment that attracts people in her target market. Ely advertised and wrote an article for the club’s Spirit magazine, which is sent out to thousands of individuals in Ely’s market and was crucial in drumming up business for The Refinement Studio.

Sales was the other challenging component that Ely faced when starting The Refinement Studio in Rochester.

“I had all of the skill-sets needed to open a business; I learned that from my parents and in school and positions I had. All of those things prepared me, but the one skill that I never had to use was sales,” says Ely. “I took a class and I’m getting better at it. That’s probably the one skill that an entrepreneur needs, and it took me a while to get comfortable doing it and doing it in a non-salesy way.”

To gain knowledge and experience and become more comfortable in sales, Ely participated in trainings by WorldLeaders Inc. Joe Morone, partner at Worldleaders, has been a mentor for Ely as she navigates the sales world. She looks up to him not only as a role model and mentor but as an encouraging presence.

Ely says that having mentors, people who are smarter than you and people who encourage you are three things that entrepreneurs must have surrounding them. Additionally, joining an industry-specific society or professional group is essential for small business owners. It’s critical to learn from seasoned professionals and see what mistakes they made so that fresh entrepreneurs can avoid making those errors.

“That’s the importance of wisdom and experience,” says Ely. “Sometimes millennials and those older don’t always understand each other and don’t always respect what the other has. The older generations say, ‘I have experience.’ Yes, but how do you give that experience to someone in a way they can receive it? Just because they’re new doesn’t mean they don’t have knowledge because they have experience in other areas. That’s why it’s necessary to join groups and network.”

There’s no doubt about it, Ely is making a difference in shaping the youngsters—and even the older generations—in the Rochester community. Her inspiration came from a disheartening event, but Ely encourages others like Karen Klein to share their stories because dark situations can lead to bright outcomes.

“My pie in the sky would be to have every child in the Rochester area have proper etiquette, to be ladies and gentlemen to represent our part of the world in a positive way.”

 Small Business is a biweekly feature focusing on local entrepreneurs. Send suggestions for Small Business stories to Reporter/Editorial Assistant Nicole Sheldon at [email protected]. (585) 363-7031